The Journey to Success Looks Different for Everybody

What does the journey to success look like for you? Do you really know what it looks like for others? I spent my holiday preparing for success, but to be frank I am tired and I am starting to feel discouraged. I am CHOOSING to continue pushing forward though. This is the first time I have publicly talked about this part of my life/journey, so here goes…

I’ve been consistently and inconsistently chasing the same dream for at least 11 years. The reason I said inconsistently is because at some point I gave up. I quit. I convinced myself that what I was chasing wasn’t for me when in fact it was and the reason I know it is for me is because this time it chased me. I think for so long my life had been so chaotic, so I struggled with hearing from God sometimes. The pandemic forced many of us to sit down & be quiet making it much easier to hear Him. I’ve honestly been somewhat shame to even tell people I was preparing to test again, because what if I don’t score well? What if I don’t succeed? What if I don’t get in? What if? Well today I am choosing to stand right where I am, in this moment, in my mess, without shame! The test I am taking on June 12^th, in total, it will be my 4^th time testing and my 5^th time registering.

1. I registered & tested in 2013. I didn’t score well.
2. I registered & tested in 2015. I didn’t score well.
3. I registered in 2016, but did not show up to test.
4. I registered & tested 11/2020. I scored 1 point below the median.
5. I registered & am scheduled to test 6/2021.

 I feel sick to the stomach rereading all the times I’ve registered & tested, but this is my current journey. This is where I am! 2020 was the first time I actually had a decent score, but unfortunately it wasn’t good enough. Here I am still fighting my good fight preparing for June’s test. The last time I met with my therapist I was very intentional about scheduling a session the day after I received my score, because I don’t know how I will respond if my score doesn’t increase. I’ve learned to become proactive when it comes to my mental health. It’s just as important as my physical health.

Tonight I asked my Facebook friends to pray fervently with me for the next 12 days. At this point I need all the prayer I can receive & I need God to bring me across the finish line. My tank is running very low. One of my favorite verses is Jeremiah 29:11. I am clinging to that verse and all of the encouragement I have received.

I didn’t study at all last week; not even the few days at the beginning of the week before I left for vacation. Social media and comparison can be the thief of joy and I am sure so many of us have found ourselves getting caught up. I recall seeing people post about their acceptances and I’m like “Yayyy!!! Congrats!” Genuinely being happy for people, but it rocked my whole boat after I saw someone with similar stats post their acceptance. Their score was 2 points higher and their GPA was .2 points higher. I do understand the application consists of more than those two components, but I’m human. I have feelings, so I felt it all in that moment. Though it probably wasn’t wise for me to skip a week of studying so close to testing, but I came back feeling a little better and refreshed. I am studying non-stop until test day.

I just wanted to share this part of my journey, because people will look at you and assume you have it all together or you just did it outright. They don’t know how many times you failed, how many times you quit, the long nights you spent, the tears you cried, or the internal battles you faced. They just see you win! Maybe that’s all they need to know, but then again maybe they need to know more. I think if we would sometimes share more about the losses it would encourage others not to give up or if they have given up it would encourage them to get back in the game. This is part of my journey and there is so much more.

I’m honestly between a rock and a hard place right now and it feels extremely uncomfortable, but this moment I am in is the part that takes place right before the breakthrough. I’ve weathered many storms and thus far, I’ve survived them all. I know what could possibly come next, so I am choosing to hold on and remain in good faith. When I went to Atlanta earlier this month one of the presenters said, “It has to happen or it has to happen!” There is no other outcome.

 It has to happen OR it has to happen. Those are the only two options.

 Keep me in prayer!